Bad Santa

We took Lauren to the mall for the requisite Santa photo. I was hopeful that she would enjoy the experience like she did last year. We prepped her for days before by talking up Santa Claus whenever we saw him, beginning with his appearance at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. We watched Santa Claus is Coming to Town and Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. Whenever Santa appeared on TV, in print, or in person we turned into dorks, eyes opened wide, nostrils flared, shrieking "Look Lauren, Look! It's Santa! Wave to Santa! Kiss Santa! Flying Kiss!!!! Hiiiii Santaaaaa!!!!! I love you Santaaaaa!!!!"

On the day of our mall Santa adventure, we made sure to introduce Lauren to Santa from a distance...from the second level of the mall, in fact. I picked her up so she could she down into the Galleria's promenade. There was Santa in front of his sleigh! Look At Santa! Hiiiii Santaaaaa!!!! Lauren waved, blew kisses, and kicked me in the stomach she was so excited (with her shiny black patent leather shoes...ouch!)

We waited in line for about 45 minutes. Actually, I waited in line 45 minutes. Peter and Lauren ran around the Christmas displays and watched Santa do his thing from behind the ropes.

When it was finally our turn, I carried Lauren over to Santa. As we approached I told her to wave to Santa and she did! She blew him a kiss! She grinned and wriggled in my arms with excitement! We were two steps away from the big guy when she realized that she was going to have to sit on his lap. Suddenly Santa turned into Grabby-Big-Fat-Hairy-Red-Faced-Man-with-Evil-Laugh. Lauren tightened her grip around my neck. I pulled her away from me to set her down on Santa's knee. She screamed.

She screamed so loud, I think the cashier in the Macy's mens department heard her. I'm pretty sure the valet outside the mall heard her too and I wouldn't even be surprised if the kids in the Hot-Dog-on-a-Stick beanies were wondering what all that racket was about.

I tried again to put her down. She screamed louder while shaking her head from side to side as if to say "OH HELL NO MOMMA!" Santa suggested I sit down with her too, but considering I was still wearing my work clothes (faded jeans, natty gray cardigan) it was not an option. Peter was dressed decently so he sat with her and after calming her down for a few seconds this was the best picture we could get.

If you look closely you'll see the big fat tear in the corner of her eye

Later that evening, Grandma P. called to ask how the photo session went. We told her about Lauren crying and screaming when she saw Santa. "Why?!" She wondered. "Maybe she was hungry."