Did Do List

I was laying in bed tonight worried and fidgety. What happened to this week? Is it almost Friday already?! I felt totally hopeless and panicked, like I had let another day run away from me. I was about to scold myself for wasting the evening and letting another day go by without crossing one thing off my endless to-do list when I literally slapped myself on the forehead. I said to myself, "Self... you're ridiculous, think of all the stuff you did today!!"

I got up out of bed and decided to sit down and write it out my "Did-Do" list. I don't know why I am so hard on myself sometimes. Peter is out of town for a couple of days on a business trip so it's just me and the cheekaboo until tomorrow night. Here's what went down today.

6:30 wake up take shower and dress while tiptoeing around so as not to wake the baby.
7:15 Baby wakes up anyway just in time for Grandpa to pick her up to whisk her away for the day
7:20 Make quick PB&J sandwich for brekky
7:25: Leave for work..Late again. Darn.
8:15: Arrive for work. Sneak in.
8:15 to 12:00 Work work work
12:00 Lunch with Miss Alabama and 58 Wings (my coworkers).
12:35 Take a brisk walk around campus with same as above.
1:15 to 5:30 Work work work
5:30 Drive from Davis to Lincoln to pick up cheekaboo. This is usually Peter's job but since he's not here, it's an extra 30 minutes of driving for me to get there.
6:45 Arrive Lincoln, load Lauren into car.
7:15 Arrive Back Home
7:30 Sit down with Lauren to eat dinner (reheated leftovers of mac and cheese and pancit)
7:45 Sister arrives to watch Lauren while I go out for my run
7:50 to 8:40 Run/walk 2.5 miles while my sister and Lauren head out to the park. (sun is setting pretty late these days)
8:40 to 9:15. Clean up kitchen while trying to watch 30 Rock. Lauren sitting contentedly on couch eating an apple
9:15 Bath Time!
9:35 Brush Teeth, clean ears, comb hair, and fresh jammies.
9:40 Night Night. Put Lauren to bed. Sweet Dreams baby girl.
10:00 start worrying about to-do list
10:05 slap myself on forehead
10:30 Write down my Did-Do list and feel so much better.


Not that I'm asking for a pat on the back...but go ahead and give me one if you want to! Seriously, though, this is the kinda stuff that is pretty routine for us moms and I don't think I deserve congratulations any more than every mom out there. We all just need a reminder sometimes to not get so down our ourselves. We all do so much and deserve a good pat on the back every now and then. So all you hard working mamas out there, "YOU GO, GIRL!!! YOU ROCK!!!"

Word Games

Lauren and I play this fun game in the car when we drive back home after picking her up from Grandma's. I ask her what she did all day and she just repeats the last word of every question, no matter how silly. It's funny how she understands that it's a game and will repeat my words even if she doesn't understand them. It kinda goes like this:

Lauren, what'd you do today?
-day
Did you go outside?
-achide
Did you smell flowers?
-awer
Did you see a doggy?
-daggy
did you eat chicken?
-cheek
Did you play on the sidewalk?
-wok
Did you have adobo?
-abo
Did you peel an orange
-owane
Did you go to the grocery?
-ree
Did you watch grandma's soap operas?
-sopa


It goes on and on and on...it makes the 10 minute drive home go by so fast and it's amazing how her language skills improve day to day. Sometimes I'll throw in a hard one like "Did you watch the television?" and she just looks at me with her mouth and eyes open wide. Funny girl.

To my faithful readers...

To the 3 regular readers of my blog (well..ok, maybe 4): I'm sorry I haven't been updating! When that happens it usually means on of the following:

a) been busy with working
b) baby's been sick
c) mommy and daddy have been sick
d) been busy with mothering


This time it's been all of the above.


a) I went away to San Antonio for almost a week for work. The preparation for that trip took up a lot of my time, including prepping for a presentation that caused many sleepless nights.

b) Lauren caught the intestinal flu that was making its round in the family. THANKS, cousin Jamin! Changing watery poopy diapers is so not fun.

c) Of course, after Lauren got sick, she passed it on to me...probably on one of those slobbery, sloppy kisses that she gave me when I got back from San Antonio. THANKS, nephew Jamin!

d) I try not to let blogging or Facebooking take away from precious time I spend with the cheekaboo so I try to limit them to while I'm at work or while baby's asleep. So...since both times have been pretty limited due to sickness and/or business, I haven't had much time to blog or Facebook. Oh, and when did "Facebook" become a verb?!

It's all good now. We're all better and I think I even lost 5 lbs because of all the..um...aherm...intestinal problems. Thanks nephew Jamin!!!!

I've got a lot to talk about and so much to catch up on...so all three (or four!) of you stay tuned!!!

San Antonio Blues

I've been in San Antonio for two days now on a business trip. This is the furthest and longest I've been away from Lauren and I'm a mess.

I had a little fun with my colleagues tonight but when I called home I couldn't hold back. There I was, standing outside a restaurant on the beautiful San Antonio Riverwalk, crying. My friends tried to cheer me up and I managed to actually enjoy myself for the rest of the night. A couple of beers and the dirty piano player singing modified Billy Joel songs helped.

I'm back to my hotel room and without the music and conversation to distract me, the knot in my stomach is back. I miss my babies.

I've got two more days to go here in Texas...my bags are already packed to go, I can't get home soon enough.

To Vitamin or Not to Vitamin

I just got off the phone with Mom P. She just reminded me to give Lauren her vitamins. I heard that giving babies vitamins is an old school Filipino thing, is this true? Did any moms out there give their babies vitamins? Is it really necessary? At the request of the grandmas, i asked her doc for a Rx since I was concerned she wasn't eating enough. If she's drinking a lot of milk and eating pretty healthy snacks throughout the day should i be concerned? She doesn't eat much at mealtimes but she does eat small meals throughout the day. It's just that during mealtimes she tends to play with her food.

Her Doc says she's a little underweight but doesn't think I need to worry. If I give her vitamins, the excess will just be peed out anyway so he left it up to me and I can give them if it gives me peace of mind. Am I overthinking this?

The Best Sign

We got sucked into the baby sign language hype even before Lauren was born. My sister actually studied under Linda Acredolo, the woman behind the popularity of baby signing, when she was a student at UC Davis.

We tried to teach her some signs and we got the Grandmas on board too. They were willing to teach but, like us, weren't vigilant or consistent about it. The only signs we taught her were "All Done/Wala Na!" "Daddy" and "Milk." Last month she surprisingly started signing! When presented with her bottle, she signed "Milk." She heard Peter sneeze in the other room and signed "Daddy." At the end of a meal she shrugged her shoulders and kinda signed "All Done."

We were so excited to see that the sign language actually stuck so we started showing off for people. Lauren, how do you say "milk?" "Daddy?" "Wala Na? Eventually she either got tired of showing off or had performance anxiety. She now refuses to sign.

Not knowing when to quit, I tried to teach her a new sign last night: "I love You." I repeated "I love you" while crossing my arms in front of my chest over and over. Eventually I asked, "How do you say, I love you?" She waddled over to me and planted a big slobbery smooch on my cheek.

I like that sign better!

Before I lay me down to sleep....

Last Sunday our pastor challenged the congregation to pray more this week. He said that the average person prays only 5 minutes a day. It made me think about how much I pray (not much, really). I mean, there's the minute or two before a meal, a few minutes (if that) before bedtime, and that's about it. I'm actually ashamed to admit that. I took his challenge to heart and decided to pray during the chunks of time that I never considered as prayerful time: during my commute, while cooking dinner, even while (sorry, G) on the potty.

Yesterday was the first day of the challenge and unfortunately, I did not take one minute during those times to pray. Shame on me. It was almost time for bed when I remembered! I dressed Lauren for bed and thought, ahh, I will pray while I'm putting her down to sleep.

So I gave her a bedtime bottle and put her down in our bed (I've been putting her down to sleep in her crib more and more, but last night I wanted to snuggle and wanted her near me). I sang to her while stroking her hair. We were in an inverted "L" position, the tops of our heads touching. I watched her eyelids grow heavy as she drank her milk. Twice, she noticed me watching her and turned her face towards me, waiting for a kiss. Twice, I bent my face towards her and planted some kisses on her cheek, her nose, her forehead. She smelled of milk and graham crackers.

It wasnt long before she fell asleep, her empty bottle tossed aside, her fingers on my cheek. I synchronized my breathing to her baby snores and started to pray. I got as far as "Thank You for my baby girl..." before joining her in dreamland.

It didn't have the length, but it was as heartfelt a prayer as I could have said.

Mmmmilk

Lauren loves milk! Ever since her Doc gave us the OK to feed her regular milk, she can't get enough of the stuff! I recently discovered Straus Family Creamery milk. I bought a couple of containers because they were on sale, normally they're pretty expensive. Now I'm not one of those extremely crunchy earth moms that needs to buy organic everything and insists on preservative free, hormone free, artificial free everything, but I do try to minimize the amount of that stuff that Lauren ingests and try to keep things as natural as possible. I know all about BPA, dioxins, pthalates, hormones, and pesticides. I try to be green. I use BPA free baby bottles and chlorine free "environmentally responsible" diapers. You would think that the reason I like this milk is that it's organic and all that good stuff. But you know why I love this milk? It comes in cool glass bottles!!!

I brought a bottle to my mom's this morning and warned her that if the milk's clumpy, it's not curdled...it's just the cream that's risen to the top. She looked at me and in her "I know more than you cause I'm your mom" voice she said, "That's how milk used to be all the time...I know how to use it."

Butt Butt!

Me: Lauren, say "Bubbles"

L: bububububu

Me: Lauren say "Butt Butt"

L: BABA!!! BABA!!!

Me: Say "Daddy"

L: BABA!!! BABA!!!

Me: Daddy's not a butt butt!

L: BABA!!! BABA!!! (nodding head)

Me: Is Mommy a butt butt?

L: Shakes her head no.

Smart girl. he hee hee. She knows I have the milk.

On the Road Again

I was talking to a friend yesterday about my 45 minute commute to work. I told him how I used to hate it! I considered it wasted time--time that I would rather spend with my cheekaboo. That was in the early days of working motherhood. When I went back to work I wanted to spend every minute I possibly could with Lauren and every agonizing minute on the road made me more resentful.

After a few months of working my attitude towards my commute changed. As we got into our routines, I learned to enjoy and, yes, even cherish my commute. I still want to spend every minute I can with Lauren and I still miss her like crazy when I'm at work. But, instead of looking at my commute as time taken away from spending with Lauren, I've turned it into Me Time. In the morning I listen to my music (usually Hawaiian music to help me relax) while planning my workday and thinking about what to have for dinner, errands I need to run, and bills I have to pay. On the way home I make phone calls and talk to friends or family that I otherwise never have the time to talk to (using a hands free device, of course). All of this has to be done while paying attention to the road so I take the Path of Least Resistance (the route with the least amount of traffic, even if costs a few extra gallons of gas a week).

The Path of Least Resistance. The view from the driver's seat. It's a nice drive with minimal traffic with very low incidences of road rage.

So I've learned to love my commute. Because I have this little time to myself it allows me to focus all my energy and attention to Lauren when I get home. I really think it helps me sleep peacefully. I can organize my overloaded Mommy Brain so I don't have to lie in bed at night with a million things running through my head. The price of gas, however, is another story....

Pooped

I am so tired. I'm more tired than usual because I didn't take the day off in the middle of the week that I normally take. I'm headed into my fourth straight day of work and I'm just not used to it anymore. I haven't had to work more than 2 days in a row in a long time. Granted, a day off doesn't necessarily mean a day off since I'm usually more busy at home with Lauren than I am at my "real job, " but having that day off in the middle really helps me get through the week. It gives my brain a break and I get refreshed and recharged after spending some quality time with Lauren.

I'm not actually physically tired but I'm mentally exhausted. I've been doing computer stuff at work for the last couple of weeks. By computer stuff I mean rebuilding workstations and servers, learning how to set up our network, installing new database software, designing/editing existing databases...the kind of stuff that can make your head explode, especially if you're not a computer/IT expert. I'm learning all of this stuff and I'm just WORN OUT. It's glad to be learning it but still, I can't wait for the weekend for much needed downtime so I can just to veg out and clear my head. If not for my Facebook breaks at work I think my head would've really exploded by now.

The reason I've been working all week is that I'm planning to take some time off towards the end of the month because my mom has to have surgery. Peter's parents are in Europe so we're kinda stuck without babysitters. We'll have to juggle our schedules to stay home with Lauren so I figure I have to work full time for 2 to 3 weeks to make up for all the time I'm going to need off. Sigh. I'm getting even more tired just thinking about it. If I'm this tired after a short week (thanks to Labor Day), imagine how I'll feel next week. That's 5 days in a row! Waaah!

I know someone out there is thinking that I shouldn't complain about my job and that I should be grateful that I even have a job...think of the millions of people out of work! Well, to that person I wanna say :-P or "pbbbllblbthtthth." (I prefer the latter..it's much more fun to say out loud). See how you feel after 2 weeks of rebuilding servers. Hahahaha. No, really. I love my job. But it's really making my head hurt.

My "Did Do" List

Taking a nod from Rookie Mom's Activity #295, I put away my to-do list and wrote down my "Did Do" list for the day. I was feeling a little overwhelmed and feeling like I didn't do any of the things I planned to do today so I thought this list would help put things into perspective.

• Changed 4 diapers, 2 of them poopy.
• Prepared 5 bottles of milk (one of them I made while standing in the parking lot of the grocery store).
• Did some grocery shopping with baby in the basket and managed only to forget 1 item on my list.
• Ate Breakfast (leftover Chinese food)
  
• Cut some grapes into eighths and fed them one by one to a toddler who won't sit still.
• Changed Lauren's outfit twice.
• Attempted to feed Lauren macaroni, rice, noodles, and broccoli but had no success.
• Picked Macaroni, rice, noodles, and broccoli up off the floor.
• Peeled and cooked a sweet potato. Cut it up into teeny tiny pieces so Lauren could feed herself.
• Picked up bits of sweet potato off the floor.
• Picked up bits of sweet potato out of Lauren's hair.
• Hosed Lauren off in the sink after sweet potato debacle.
• Ate lunch (Leftover Chinese food. Again)
• Played piano while Lauren danced. Got up to dance with her.
  
• Pushed Lauren's stroller through our neighborhood and to the park.
• Pushed Lauren in the baby swing.
• Prepared diaper bag for trip to the State Fair tomorrow.
• Pushed Lauren around on her airplane scooter thing.
• Heated up (you guessed it) the last of the leftover Chinese food for our dinner.
  
• Prepared Lauren's bath and undressed her.
• Wiped up pee on the bathroom floor after little accident that happened while waiting with excitement for her daddy to give her a bath.
• Listened to Lauren and Daddy happily splashing around in the tub.
• Sang a lullabye 10 times before Lauren finally fell asleep.
• Marinated some shortribs and tri-tip in preparation for Labor Day BBQ
• Cleaned up kitchen
• Picked up scattered toys in the living room.
• Checked Facebook and sent out a few emails.
• Wrote down this list.

Whew!!! Now I feel like I accomplished something!!!

One Year Ago...

I got a little weepy watching my baby girl sleeping this morning. She's now officially one year old and it's gone by way too fast and like I've said many times before I wish I could just hit the pause button or even slo-mo.

It's amazing to see how she's changed in a year...that can't be the same baby!

Good morning sleepyhead! You're one year old today!

We spent most of the day prepping for her Big Birthday Bash coming up this weekend. I baked some cakes (I have a very cool cake design planned...you'll have to wait 'til Saturday and I'll post pics) and we did some shopping. We also took a trip to WalMart to have her photos taken. Yes, WalMart. Sorry to those WalMart haters out there, but you'll have to admit the pics turned out pretty great and the prices were right for my budget. There was a PictureMe studio at our local store and I was impressed with the quality, considering it cost about half the price of the usual studio we go to.

Not quite ready for her closeup

We had lunch with Grandma P. and her bowling buddies at a Chinese Buffet Restaurant and then dinner with Grandma R., Daddy, and Auntie Sarah at Habit Burger.

Lauren was pretty pooped by the end of the day with all the running around but she had energy enough to blow out her first birthday candle (on a mini cake I baked for her).

Happy Birthdaaaay Deeear Laaaauuu Lauuuuu....Happpy Birrthdaaaay Toooo YOuuuuu!!!!

I LOVE CAKE!!!!! ILOVEITILOVEITILOVEIT!!!

I'm still in denial that my baby girl is a year old. It seems just yesterday I kissed her fat cheeks for the very first time.

Remembering Labor...

One year ago today, my water broke. In hindsight, my labor wasn't too bad. Considering what I got at the end, I'd go through it all again. Well, I could do without the scary nightmarish complications of shoulder dystocia...but all in all...it was well worth it.

Lullabye

Lullabye, Goodnight My Angel - Billy Joel

I still remember the lullabye my mom used to sing to me when I was a baby...well, I just remember one line and it goes something like "Go to sleep, my darling baby....mommy is not far away..." The rest of the memory is hazy but that line and the melody stand out and will be with me always, no matter how old I get.

Sometimes I sing that to Lauren, but there is another song that I sing to her almost every night...it is aptly titled "Lullabye" by Billy Joel. It is a sweet song that he wrote for his own daughter while he was going through a divorce with Christy Brinkley. Even though the context might not be universal, the sentiment is. It's basically about a father's never-ending love for his baby girl. Click the tape above and you can hear the song.

Those close to me know how sentimental this lullaby is for me and has more meaning for me than just a song about the love for a child. See, this song for me carries with it memories of my father, who died in 1999.

In the summer of 1998, his last summer, I tried to spend most of my time with Dad. He was sick with pancreatic cancer and was undergoing chemotherapy and radiation treatments. His prognosis wasn't good, but he was hopeful. Always hopeful.

At the time, I was working for a clinical laboratory in Sacramento. Peter lived in an apartment nearby. We weren't engaged yet, but he would come over almost every evening after work and hang out with me and Dad. He knew I couldn't go out on regular dates because I needed to spend time at home. My Mom worked nights so I cooked dinner and kept Dad company and took care of him. Most nights we stayed home and watched TV. Peter and Dad got to know each other well during those nights. They sat together in the TV room, watching the ball game or PBS (they shared a fondness for nature shows). Sometimes I played the piano while dad sat in his recliner, listening with his eyes closed.

I was going through a Billy Joel piano phase at the time so I was playing through his songbook. "Lullabye" was one of my dad's favorite pieces. He hummed along while I played, and after the last notes would smile and say, still with his eyes closed, "I like that one..."

I don't know if he knew the words...I think he just liked the melody. But I'm sure I sang it a couple of times and he probably knew what it was about even if he didn't know it word for word. Those were very emotional days. Even though we didn't talk about it, we knew that there was a chance his cancer would not go away. Despite our optimism, the fear and dread was always there hanging around in the background, and the words of this lullabye seemed less sweet than sad. Sometimes while playing this song tears would come to my eyes, but I had to hide them. I couldn't stop playing to wipe them away or else he could tell I was crying. Since my back was turned to him I would just let my tears drip onto the piano keys.

I promised I would never leave you
And you should always know
No matter where you go
No matter where you are
I never will be far away...

Fast foward to my wedding, in 2000. Dad was gone, but we got married with his blessing (Peter proposed while Dad was still alive..in front of him in fact!). For the father/daughter dance I chose to dance instead with my older brothers...the closest thing I had to dancing with my Dad. I think I cried during the entire dance, and so did almost everybody in the reception hall. I felt his presence there, echoed in the melody of the lullabye:

Good night my angel, now it's time to dream...
And dream how wonderful your life will be...

Tonight, I put Lauren to bed the same way I did the first night I held her in my arms and rocked her to sleep in the hospital. I sang her lullabye...it belongs to her now, too. I thought of dad tonight and I cried, as I often do while singing this to her. The song has two purposes...one, it helps soothe her to sleep. Two, it's my time to remember dad. I can sing it over and over and over as the memories (mostly happy, but not always) come flooding back.

Someday your child may cry and if you sing this lullabye
Then in your heart there will always
be a part of me..
Someday we'll all be gone but lullabyes go on and on
They never die, that's how you and I will be.

It's nights like this that I miss my Daddy so much.

A Good Day

I had a very good day yesterday. I didn't have to work. I didn't have to unpack. I didn't have to run errands. Wait, that's not right. It's not that I didn't HAVE TO do those things...rather, I just DIDN'T DO those things.

Lauren and I slept in, we stayed in our pajamas all day, took two (yes, TWO) naps and I didn't think about the garage full of boxes to unpack or the 273 items on my to-do list. I didn't even bother combing our hair. Peter came home from work to find his two sweetsies sprawled together on the bed in practically the same positions that he left us in the morning.

Yes, it was a very good day.

Happy 4th!

We spent most of the 4th of July moving. We took a break for an impromptu barbecue (on the Foreman Grill) and invited my mom and sister for some burgers and dogs. Oh, and as the governator requested, we refrained from setting off fireworks and settled for a tame box of sparklers for Lauren's first Independence Day.

Uncle Chris didn't want to help us move either....

Got Adobo?

Mmmm. Pork Adobo and rice.

I have this cool little gadget for grinding up baby food. My sis-in-law used it to feed all 3 of her babies and even though it's low-tech, it works just as well as a food processor. You basically put bits of food in there and turn the crank until it oozes out into baby friendly pieces. It's nice because she gets to eat whatever we're eating and is starting to get little tastes of different kinds of foods.

I think she likes it!!!!

Baby Steals

I'm known amongst my friends and family to be a good shopper...I'm talking about bargain shopping here. I love me a good deal! I've just a found a cool new website called BabySteals.com that will be my obsession from now on. It's kind of like Woot.com for the mommy set. Every day, a new deal is posted, and a baby item is for sale at a deep discount. They sell that same item until they run out so you'd better get in there quick. New deals are posted every morning at 9 AM (MST). Payment is through Google checkout and shipping is very reasonable. I recently scored a pair of BabyLegs at 50% off for 6$. woohoo! I'm adding it my click list on the left if anyone wants to check it out.

My First Mother's Day

Someone asked me what I was doing for Mother's Day and I replied, "We're having lunch with Peter's mom and then dinner with my mom."

Then she said, "Well, what are you guys doing for YOU?!"

Funny thing is, I hadn't even thought of it. After so many years of making Mother's Day plans for our moms, I forgot about my own first Mother's Day. Luckily, Peter and Lauren didn't forget, and I woke up to banana pancakes and this:

My first Mother's Day card!

We went to church and then to Mom P's house for a delicious lunch. Afterwards we invited my Mom to our house for a BBQ. The weather was so nice we ate outside in the backyard.